Well,

All of my other friends are turning back into bloggers, and I feel as if I need to start back up on this, a creative outlet. Let's see......

Okinawa Japa

Untitled

I get that
light headed, hot faced, wide grin look,
when you call me.
My voice seems to change tones
And my knees aren't stable,
There's a tickle in my throat that reaches my stomach,
and my breath becomes very short.
The thoughts in my head are a complete
jumbled mess,
I giggle for no damn reason
When I'm close enough to smell you
it's entirely intoxicating.
I just can't help it.
Just watching You walk Towards me Is mesmerizing.
I have to Restrain myself when you Hug me.
as much as I love controlling my surroundings
I am hypnotized by the Power you hold over me.

Accountability

I don't mind relaxing really, especially after so many stressful situations, but now I'm coming to a point where I really need to be a lot more proactive with my life. From school, to work, to my hobbies, health and fitness, I really just want to re-vamp everything. But as any sensible person would know major life decisions should not occur happen over night, but still. I need to start motivating myself. I know what I want to be in life. I might not be sure of where all I want to go, but I what I'm completely sure of is how to get towards success. And it is not easy. In less than 4 months, I'm going to be 21. Then it is all up to me.

So some short term goals I want to achieve by November 29, 2009 include:

• Learning as much as I can and mastering my schoolwork, so I can get into professional school.
• Become as self sufficient as possible.
  
• Sever the toxic relationships with those who don't have my best intentions at heart
• Mend the necessary relationships with those who really care about me
• Be completely honest with myself
• Focus, Focus, Focus
• Be a lot more motivated in keeping physical and mental fitness.

I really like patterns and cycles, and I feel as if I'm going into another 4 year cycle just like in high school. And if this pattern continues like it had before, these next 6 months are going to be beyond difficult. But I need to develop the strength to overcome it all.

I just hope I learn how to make the most rational decisions for myself.

Before I go to bed

I haven't posted in a while, I can't think of anything worth reading.
So now, I'm listening to one of my favorite bands, System of a Down Ego Brain.

Life is but a dream
drifting on a stream
a stream
consciously it seems
all of what remains

Ego Brain
and they shame
shame love after it rains
you see my pain is real
watch my world dissolve
and pretend that none of us see the fall
as I turn to sand
you took me by the hand
and declared that love prevails over all

I am just a man
fighting of the man
for land
for land
while I turn to sand
inspite of the pain

Ego Brain
and they shame
shame love after it rains
you see my pain is real
watch my world dissolve
and pretend that none of us see the fall
as I turn to sand
you took me by the hand
and declared that love prevails over all

All of what remains
Ego Brain
and they shame
shame love after it rains
you see my pain is real
watch my world dissolve
and pretend that none of us see the fall
as I turn to sand
you took me by the hand
and declared that love prevails over all

thoughts+emotion=behavior

No matter what you do
The words you speak
How you look right through me
The kisses on the cheek

No matter when you call
Just to check up
The cutesy messages
The Make believe bluff

I'm not capable or even willing,
To be realest person you expect me to be.